My world, your world.

29/11/2011.

2011-11-29T03:16:00.003+11:00

It's going to be 5 months. Yet I still feel for you.

Walking down the streets of Melbourne reminds me the times we've shared together. Those memories which I cherish much with my heart and soul. Sadly, it has to come to an end. I stood by the river and gaze into the endless horizon, breathing in the Melbourne air while sipping a cup of latte, reminds me greatly of you. As if you were just by my side but no, it was all my imagination only. Nothing more than that.

I paid my last visit to every laneway, street and cafes we've been together and had my last moment to re-live those times. You were everywhere I went and I just cant get you out of my mind. I guess, I don't think I'll be visiting Melbourne anytime soon or ever; cause it was too much pain just to walk down the streets.

I guess this is what they called "dreams colliding with reality". I don't know how much longer I can live in this void space of nothingness.

What will I become? I guess the old me will die again.

2/9/2011

2011-09-02T14:49:00.002+10:00

已经有差不多两个月了。不知道你脑海里在想着什么。你说你在乎我们的友情，要保持联络。为什么只有我拼命着向你打探消息。难道你已经忘记了你所说过的东西吗？

分手就好了。还要躲避我，远离我。你知道这比分手还痛吗？你知道我有多伤心吗？你不知道，因为你选择了逃避。

为什么就这么绝情？

为什么你可以抛开你我以前的感动和友情变成一个陌生人似的？

对你付出了真心，却得到的是失望。我对你真的很失望。。很失望。跟你在一起真的很开心，看到你的笑容我完全可以望了所有的烦恼。你知道吗？那种快乐是无法形容的。你知道吗？

我恨我爱你。你知道吗？

12.8.2011

2011-08-12T21:00:00.000+10:00

我不是碰不到更好的，而是因为已经有了你，我不想再碰到更好的...

我不是不会对别人动心，而是因为已经有了你，我就觉得没必要再对其他人动心 ...

我不是不会爱上别的人，而是我更加懂得珍惜你，能在一起不容易，已经选定的人就不要随便放手 ...

世界上的好人数不清，但遇到你就已经足够...

即使你不是最好的，甚至不是最适合我的，但却是我最珍惜的...

缺点可以改正，性格可以磨合，但机会失去了就再也没有了...

有人说：爱，是一种责任...

现在我才明白，原来责任，就是一辈子...

现在想想为什么那么多在激情之后变平淡了的感情能一步步坚持到了最后...

除了已经习惯，爱到深处之外...

应该还有两个人的互相搀扶，理解,包容,不离不弃吧...

难过的时候想想最初的感动,想想最初的拥抱和嘴唇之间的温度...

不要被眼前的伤感抹去深处的爱.

28.7.2011

2011-07-29T01:29:00.001+10:00

我真的很不开心

26.7.2011

2011-07-26T02:06:00.002+10:00

也许，这就是结局

我从来都没忘过当初的感动。

你我的故事，永远都会埋在我心中。

23.1.2011

2011-07-23T20:34:00.003+10:00

I still can't figure out why. Though I've been doing a lot of thinking... Where does the answer lies? When can I find it, and where?

Sometimes I feel like the end is near.

21st July 2011

2011-07-21T02:01:00.000+10:00

I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow

痛

2011-07-11T23:45:00.002+10:00

为什么。。心里的抽痛却不停

为什么。。用心去爱一个人，却得来的是拒绝

我不明白。。。我真的不明白。

有谁可以告诉我

Wake me up, when September comes.

2010-09-09T23:48:00.003+10:00

Memories, is what you cling on for the rest for your life. Your only companion when you're at the end years of your life, sitting by the court yard staring across the meadow field, travelling back time.

Back in when you're 10 years old. That probably as far as you can go, I guess. Still remember where do you sit during your primary 6th grade? I do. It was by the window, overseeing the field and basketball court where I could just stare out at kids or space when I am bored. Or just stare blank at the clear blue sky watching how the clouds change shapes and float away.

15 years old. You hit puberty. You were a confused kid, emotional, low self confidence, timid and just to be alone all the time. You were never once the kid that runs around with that smile, or laugh and go around bully other kids. You were different. Perhaps this is what puberty means, you lose yourself and turn into a new one, where you leave the 10 year old of you behind and become a 15 year old teen, with a new attitude, new temper and new personality. By then, you thought you could take on the world. How stupid, yet silly.

20 years old. You still live on the dream believing that you can be anything and take on this world by yourself. I wish I still have that kind of dream or at least the confidence to take on that thought. Leaving home, you venture into an unknown place, perhaps somewhere far away to see the world, to study in a renown institute. Did I say study? Perhaps more accurately to learn to be more independent. This is where you realize what freedom is all about, how fun and scary can it be. How lethal that it can poison your thoughts and drown in it. Too much fun is never enough, but too much freedom is like swimming in an open ocean.

Memories. The nostalgic realm of familiarity, never ages, only immortalize as you live.

march

2010-03-12T03:39:00.002+11:00

March has come and here I am.. still no where.

My optimism is running fast. How long is this going to take? How much more do I have to degrade myself just to get a fucking job? To beg and to look like a fucking cat meowing for food? How long more do I have to be drown in this desperation situation full with frustration and disappointment?

If this system is not fit to be "compatible" with the reality system, why run it at the first place? why instill such great and wonderful dreams on people when you fucking know the reality isn't as "picasso" as you have painted it?

Masters... blah.. just a fabricated shell.

life = art

2010-01-21T02:43:00.003+11:00

sigh, i think i'm sinking back into depression again.

i'm beginning to crave for alcohol whenever i felt like dying. just like how it happened 3 years ago.

sometimes, it feels like i'm a lonely painter. Painting something that nobody can ever understand. Fool isn't it? There's so much you want to tell it out but you just want to tell it through an art. If my life is equivalent to a notion of an art, then it'll probably be the messiest art ever painted. But, who could ever see through the colors and abstract?

I don't know.

who am i

2010-01-16T02:07:00.003+11:00

Everybody's getting onto something, somewhere and when I see myself in the mirror, I see an unemployed bloke who can't even afford to buy a fucking laptop. Of all the years of studies I have never believe in the norm of studying will ensure you a security of making a living in later years and I was right. Come to think about it what the fuck was all the studying about? for sure it gives you knowledge and such and such bullshit but in the end of the day it does not teach you how to survive later in the real world after graduating and that is the shit I am in right now. I've got fancy academic title but what does that gives me? Just some applaud of "Oh such master student at such young age" or some "I see you have a masters but you don't have any working experience". Yep, I don't have the most important experience of all. Not to mention I'm not brightest student of all. In summary, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, no experience nor flying color academic achievement to get me a proper job. So what do I have? I don't know. Is there anything of which I have not been putting a 100% effort please LET ME KNOW CAUSE I AM FUCKING TIRED OF WAITING AND WAITING AND FUCKING WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh, who am I?

-sighness-

2009-12-07T18:46:00.001+11:00

At this very moment, I am at my lowest point of my life.

When will this end?

Just want to breakaway from everything.

sigh

submerged in you

2009-10-29T15:15:00.002+11:00

If this it what love feels, then I don't want to wake up from it.

If this is meant to be forever, then let me be drunk from it forever.

it's all about you

2009-10-20T23:51:00.001+11:00

If you're affectionate, then i'm crazy.

sien die me

2009-09-15T01:25:00.000+10:00

this unproductiveness is seriously killing me

Update!

2009-09-05T03:17:00.002+10:00

I'm finally, officially, inevitably unemployed! And I'm back in Malaysia, unfortunately.

Well, I don't know whether it's appropriate to call it an "unfortunate" incident but it is "unfortunate" in a way that my plan to obtain a PR after studying in Australia gone down the drain. I have reasons for that ; 1) Economy and 2)Family. Getting a job in Australia is virtually impossible without a PR; so which leads to the ultimate key to the whole damn problem. I AM eligible for PR application BUT, due to economy crisis the government decided to reshuffle PR application so they can prioritize those application which are deemed to be important to them, while marginalizing the rest of it. I am not criticising the government but hey, that's what all governments will do - protectionism!. As a result of that, applying PR with such costs of monetary cost and time will not be acceptable to me at this moment. I need a job, a career, something which I can dwell into and make a living out of it. Unfortunately, I have not found any career which I like, and I CAN put myself into.

When I say "I CAN", it means that sometimes in life you do not have the luxury to do things that you want. In a first person perspective we call it "wants". For example; I want to work for the United Nations, but I can't because I do not have the qualifications for it. See? "want" and "can" makes a damn galaxy difference out of it. So yeh, I have many "wants" but due to numerous constrain in this reality I can't afford to live the "wants" yet.. YET. Someday, I will live those "wants".

My life is a mess now because I didn't plan for this but on the lighter side, at least I find myself handling it "okay-ish". Not to say I'm totally comfortable of where I am now but I am not totally unhappy. Yes I am frustrated and unhappy about what route should I take next? So, right now I am just throwing my resume out and see what happens. I am impatient about these things. The whole recruitment process, interview and stuff but yes I understand it's protocol. Guess I have to be more patient about it.

Wish me luck.

猪病

2009-06-17T00:40:00.001+10:00

唉，替人担心真的是不好受。

frustration

2009-06-13T01:41:00.002+10:00

I am incredibly frustrated.. for no reason. It's like my chest is going to burst any moment soon.

Fuck!

uni life

2009-06-10T16:48:00.003+10:00

Here I am sitting in student lounge trying to study for my exams. Weird enough I don't feel stress for the upcoming exams. Well, that'll be totally untrue. I still feel stress but somehow not that much as compared to my last semester I was totally a stress bomb, as if I would explode anytime if you touch me. Well, I am still worried about my exams, cause if everything goes well, this will be my last exam of my life as uni student. That's it, this is it and this will be the final phase I will be crossing, after this, it's unemployment - what a great "relieve". But course, seeing that I've totally screwed up my degree I'm making sure I'm not screwing up my Masters. Hell who would have guess Mr.O-Lazy-Shu-Shen will be a masters graduate one day, to be honest I am surprised at myself as well. No that I doubt my capability (hehe) but more of my persistent of keeping the effort up. Ok, I did chill and being lazy but hey, I was much better if compared to my days in Sydney.

Maybe it's the environment here. But that's not important now. I should be worried about my exams and hell I'm blogging here. Hmm, must be the latte. To be honest I'm actually quite excited about the exams, not that I really like exams but it's more of the notion of "I want to get over with it". Yes, I think I am 80% prepared for the exam. 80%, hmm, maybe if I stop blogging now I can fill the rest of the 20% in. But who cares, it's still 4.54pm and I have 2 more hours of studying to go.

So..... I'll mingle around more..

$$$$

2009-05-30T01:31:00.003+10:00

Money money money..

It has always been money.

Without it you're nothing. No car, no carreer, no food, no clothes, no status. Nothing.

It is a sad truth. Everything evolves around this notion that underpins the behavaiour of human in this modern society.

Everybody's materialistic that they often forgo the very essence of being human is being who they are.

Not to say that I am holy enough not to distance away from this crowd nor do I consider myself materialistic.

I'm just being practical and pragmatic yet I admire somebody for truly who they are. Money can buy almost everything but you can't buy a man's soul.

mindless rant

2009-05-17T01:51:00.003+10:00

blah... couldn't sleep. Insomnia is getting to me again.

Sometimes, I think I'm a really boring person. Perhaps I was born in such way people around me will just die of boredomness. Sad to say but I think that's true. Of all the conversations I engaged in, it has always been something serious and there's always a topic to debate on. Man, can you imagine going up a girl in a bar and say "Do you think there should be a reformation of the Security Council in the United Nations?". You've just created a whole new level for pick up lines or maybe and more probably I'll get a stare back with the "wtf" face. ANYWAYS, that's not important.

2 more months and I'll be done with this nonsense. Should I say, I.am.so.done.with.studying.... Well, some will say uni life is much better than working. True enough, I can understand why they say that because most of the time uni students have what working people don't have - freedom. Fair enough, we have freedom but think of it that way we do not earn any $$$$. Which I think it's important because afterall, without $$$ you're pretty much screwed in your life. Everything needs money.. everything's money money money. I'm not being money minded, just being realistic. To be honest, I'm happy enough to have passive income that can support me and my family for the rest of my life. It doesn't have to be super rich but well off I would argue.

I'm happy that you're finally smiling again. After those tormented incidents you have been through, the last thing I want to see is you being sad. Now, I miss having you around.

烦

2009-04-26T02:59:00.002+10:00

烦，一句话。。烦！

最近真的真倒霉，做什么事都不顺利都阻三阻四的。。电脑，电话，大学通通都出问题。唉，真的好无奈。

给人劝告却让人笑老，像个老叔叔。他妈的的你们这班狗屁不通的东西，这是叫着考虑周全!! 唉，干脆什么也别说了，反正都不是我的问题，干嘛那么好心肠去理会人家的事呢。。

变，说变就变，说改就改。人身就是那么的反复无常。一变，什么都不再与往常一样了。你走你的路，我走我的独木桥。我的能力，也只有那么有限，做了也起不到什么作用。算了吧，见步行步吧。。。

唉，烦死了。。。

Autumn thought

2009-04-19T16:36:00.004+10:00

Came across this song in my playlist and at this very moment, its a reflection of me.

It's called I'll Move On by Olivia Ong.

This road that I'm taking twists and turns

My life my chance turning dreams into reality.

Down this path faced with so many things

Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can't seem to go on

And I've been thru' this before

Now where am I?

Where do I stand?

A little lost here.

But I'll remember.

All those times you've bought me thru'.

I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near

I'll move on I'll go on.

Lord I will take your hand.

And you will guide me along.

Survive thru' this storm.

So I say, come what may.

I'll hold on to my hope.

Yes, I will walk down this road.

And my passion drive will lead me on

Here I am Once again caught in the rain.

Looking back I've come so far

And I want to carry on

Take a step at time

It's alright.

Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again

Don't hold back now.

And i've been thru' this before.

Now where am I?

Where do I stand?

A little lost here.

But I'll remember.

All those times you've bought me thru'.

I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, Here I am.

Lord I will take your hand.

And you will guide me along.

Survive thru' this storm.

So I say, come what may.

I'll hold on to my hope.

Yes, I will walk down this road.

And my passion drive will lead me on.

Sources

Lyrics : http://www.justsomelyrics.com/393736/Olivia-Ong-I

Picture: http://static.flickr.com/85/271112934_79f8d0b108_o.jpg

spacing out

2009-04-14T01:26:00.002+10:00

Life's going to be abit different at the end of this year. Because, it will be a new chapter of life for me.

What will come?

Who knows?

who can tell me ?

what path should I choose?

will I lose everything I have now?

Am I going not going to be the same again?

Why am I feeling worried?

How am I going to handle such change ?

Am I going to lose what I love doing now ?

I guess life is an ever changing process. Nothing's permanent or static. Growing up aint easy and that's for sure, with more responsibilities and tasks to put on your shoulder. Who doesn't wants to enjoy life? But too bad this world rotates around wealth. I've learnt to accept the fact that wealth is almost everything to your life. Of course I'm not saying with money you can do everything you want; but my point is without money everything is virtually impossible.

Because of that, I will have to sacrifice things that I love doing and people I like being with. There's too much uncertainty to even begin with, and too much uncertainty to stand for what I wish and believe. Well, I guess I am just being adaptive towards changes. But one thing for sure, it's torturing in a way to actually realise things are not going to be the same again. As day passes and the day is drawing closer, you're in more denial you'll ever be. Untill the day comes and you're sitting in your room going through that moment, you just plunge into depression.

Direction please?

2009-03-29T23:08:00.002+11:00

So many things to do in so little time given..

In this crossing path of my life, what route should I choose and take?

It is inevitable some sacrifition have to be made.. but will that take me where I want to?

What is my ideal life? what is considered as an ideal life?

Does money matter? or achievement in something you believe in ? It does matter, life's nothing without money. Can't buy food, no entertainment, no freedom, no dignity.. nothing at all...

This entrapment of money making paradigm puts doing something you like at wit's end.

But then again, slavery for money making.. makes you a walking zombie like the other ones..

Directions anybody?

The unexpected

2009-02-21T15:57:00.001+11:00

Alas I'm back in Melbourne, unfortunately. It's my final semester for my masters and man I better don't screw this up! Did that, been there and I swear it's not a pleasant experience.
First of all, you have to re-schedule your plan because everything is being delayed for half a year or even worse, a year. Second of all, more costs will be incurred. Whether you like it or not, somehow you have to come up with another 10kAUD (based on rate on 2007)to pay for your semester excluding living costs which includes rent, food and other expenses. Hefty fine for failing a subject!

Anyways, something happened when I arrived back in Melbourne. My dog Jane passed away. Sigh, man I'm so sad over her death. The doctor said her life expectancy will be around 6 to 9 months but unexepctedly the cancer cells manage to infect her bloodstream thus infecting her other organs in her body. Being an old dog (9 years), her immune system wasn't effective enough to slowdown the infection and she was paralzyed from the pain. Being an active dog since a pup, this was the first time I ever see her lying motionless in her hut, dreading to move even if I pat her. I regretted of not spending enough time with her, yes I am really no regreting and will be for the rest of my life. How do I describe her? Jane is a different type of rottweiler. Of all Rotties I've came across she's the skinniest, yet the most devoted dog I ever had. I still remember the first day she arrived at my house as a puppy. She was small, skinny but very friendly, hyperactive and daring!

Despite her physical size, she's much more fierce than any other dogs because she's a dedicated dog who will fend off any strangers that invades my home. No doubt about it, she killed countless stray cats and dogs, and rats. Those are just small preys. If there ever been a rober or thief, I'm sure he/she will be dead regardless. Not to mention her husband Jacky and son Jay will be around to back her up. Now that you've left us, I bid you goodbye and hope you'll find freedom in afterworld - roaming and run to your hearts content in the endless meadow. Sorry for not loving and spending enough time with you.

But of course, death is part of life and that's what makes life, life. At least she was properly burried with a funeral. That is what we can give you last before you move on, while I will have to move on.

New world

2009-01-12T23:24:00.002+11:00

If USA is to open up a human colony in Mars, I'll be the first to sign up.

New world, new life.

idiotic malaysian drivers

2009-01-05T04:23:00.004+11:00

I've almost got into 5-6 road accidents since I came back from Australia.

1st. Some motorcyclist just cut into my lane without any signals, I nearly crash into him. Some fucktard he is.

2nd. This MyVi beside me tried to cut into my line without even checking his side/back mirror. Almost crash into me. Luckily he's not that retarded at all and actually saw I was only 5 cm away from getting a paint job from me.

3rd. Same shit as 2nd, happened on the same day just 5 mins after the 2nd incident happened, another fucktard driver did the same thing.

4th. Was at a junction trying to turn right, e-braked while doign the turning because this fat-ass ignorant prick on his shithole suzuki speed by me from the right side from the back.

5th. Anther ignorant prick on a suzuki was totally in the wrong lane coming towards me and tried to turn into a junction which i was turning into.

6th. There's a thing called the zebra line mofo! Are you intellectually challenged?!

Self-centered malaysians, there's a thing called road courtesy. Use ur freaking signals instead of just cutting blindly into other people's lane. It doesn't require much for you to stick ur finger out and push the blardy knob which is 2mm away from ur driving position.

There's a thing called the stop sign and give way. Not crash and burn! Idiotic mofos.

1234

2009-01-03T03:47:00.002+11:00

2009! Time really flies.

I've been thinking what will 2009 bring ? Some of the heads up for 2009 are the global economy crisis is definitely going to deterioriate, which means more people will be retrenched, job losses increases, social insecurity increases, crime rate increases. Let's hope for the best life losses will be minimum.

As for me, if things proceed as planned I should be graduating during mid year and get a job as soon as possible. But with the current situation, who would want to employ an international student with no working experience? This worries me a lot. I'm really tired of studying. It's not that I don't enjoy studying but right now I would like to earn some dough and at least I can self sustain myself. Being financially dependent on your parennts is not an enjoyable experience. All I want is, good career, and good income. That's all. Nothing fancy nor big buck earning stuff.

All in all, if things goes well I would like to own a car soon. Or at least to have a reasonable buying power.

Still be on my feet

2008-12-18T03:24:00.000+11:00

Ican feel my heart

And it's fit to burst

I try to clean it up

But I just get worse

Wish I could fall

On a night like this

Into your lovin' arms

For a moonlight kiss

I thought I saw your face

In the evenin' sky

On a lonesome cloud

That was driftin' by

I wish I could fall

On a night like this

Into your lovin' arms

For a moonlight kiss

You got someone else

Maybe it's for the best

Since I took the cure

For happiness

And I'd trade it all

On a night like this

For your lovin' arms

And a moonlight kiss

I think not

2008-11-18T23:23:00.002+11:00

You'll never realise it's just a fantasy you're in untill you hit the wall and wake up to the smell of reality.

We all dream and hope, often for things that you ought and hope it will come true in the future. These dreams and hopes are often lethal. For as far as I can say, the more you hope and dream, the more positive thoughts and wish you put into, the more shit you're gonna get when things do not go your way. I understand the logic of dream big hit big, dream small hit small; yet I realize the consequences of putting oneself in the situation of getting all those hopes and dreams rebounding back at them like a bitchslap in the face in awakening to reality.

Sometimes, you thought you have control and things are in your favour but then when you really think about it again, the grass is not that green afterall. What can I say about this? Trial and error untill you succeed? Howmuch does one have to go through before realizing what he/she has been wishing for? or dreamnt of or at least a whipser of " I hope"? If my live is meant for me to take more shit than I am now, what am I gonna turn out to be when finally everything is over? Will I ever be the same person again?

I think not.

Roller Coaster Ride

2008-10-27T03:09:00.002+11:00

I'm like in a roller coaster ride now. So many things are going through my mind.

Exams are around the corner, so much to read up yet so little time left, but at the same time I felt confident of myself passing the exams yet trying not to be over confident. Honestly, I shouldn't be bragging about exams since I only have two papers to sit, mainly because I have 2 100% internal assessment unit thus left me with 2 units with external assessment; which is good, at least I think so. Journals and more journals, that's what I'm reading through to prepare myself for the exam. Hopefully I'll do well cause I intend to do well for my masters. No more screwing around like what I did for my degree.

On the other hand, accomodation. I'm currently looking for a place to move in next semester primarily I want to cut cost on my rental cost. The current place I'm staying in now costs me 215aud per week. Considering the fact that its a studio, fully furnished and location, not bad for a bargain. But yet again, I would like to save up some dough for my future investment in some stuff I want to buy (I'll come to that later). Thus, me and my friend went on a search for available single rooms located around my place and we found one. Funny thing is, the rent is really cheap, 160 per week with fully furnished, including fees and blablabla. So, we called up the owner but was asked to leave her an email so she can contact us for an arrangement for house inspection. Why don't she call us instead ? o_O ??????? Oh well, I have no idea where exactly is the place cause it wasn't stated on the ad we saw, so yeh, we're still waiting for her reply. Hopefully she replies ASAP so I can arrange my vacating note and tidious process la dee da bi bubu hassle paperwork with my current agent. If I can move in, that'll be good. So I can move in before I actually fly back, else I have no idea where to dump my stuff when the lease for my current studio ends.

The whole idea of moving into a cheaper place is primarily to save up some extra cash, as a form of using remaining saved up dough to get some of the things I want to buy. This is the brain cracking part. I want to buy, an eletronical keyboard (music), a desktop, and a bogu set (kendo equipment). All of them except keyboard will cost me at least 900aud!!! Argh.. that's about, Rm2000. I want to get a keyboard so I can play and write songs. I want a desktop so I can play some games, I want a bogu set cause I'm doing kendo for long term and do not want to wear 2nd hand, rented and foul smelled bogu from my club! To be honest, the thing I want most now is bogu set. Since I'm doing kendo for long term, and desktop and keyboard and other things can come later. So, I went online window shopping and saw this bogu set from Japan, costing around 585aud when I first saw (during financial crisis). Seeing that, it was rather cheap for quite a good quality and nevertheless its from Japan!!! (NEVER BUY MADE IN CHINA BOGU SET). I thought I needed sometime to think about it, so I took my time. Today I checked again, it now costs 785aud!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. There goes my bogu. It's not that I can't buy but it became expensive for me and actually over my intended budget. BLUARGHHH I should have bought it. Should I buy now?! or wait for currency to drop?! or another financial crisis ? -_-......

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Anyways, back to studies!

Teru no Uta

2008-10-11T13:47:00.002+11:00

Teru no Uta from Tales from the Earth Sea.
By Teshima Aoi

Far far above the clouds
against the setting sun

A falcon flies alone
soaring in the wind

I hear his lonely cry
so sad must he be

Riding the silent wind
a falcon flies alone

Reaching out with his wings
grasps the empty sky

Riding the silent wind
never can he rest

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

A heart like a falcon's
is this very heart

What is within my heart
none can ever know

Lonely falcon
in the empty sky

I walk alone
along deserted country roads

Walking with me side by side
you are always there

I feel your loneliness
lonely you must be

Crickets whispering
in the grassy fields

You walk there by my side
you walk the path with me

But you never say a word
never do you speak

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

Here inside this heart
that walks its path alone

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

The sadness of one
who always is alone.

Revisiting my old chapters...

2008-09-22T00:07:00.002+10:00

Listening to Mandarin pop songs always reminds me of myself 4 years ago. I would say I was 'alive' during that period of time, partially because of me doing something which I love -music. I play organ since the age of 5, self learn piano and guitar and been very interested in learning to sing like a professional. At least, that is something I really want to be good at.

Joining and learning music composing at Lwssom (Lee Wei Song School of Music) was one of the highlights of my life. I've met wonderful, great, friendly and very talented people there; and I recognize them as another part of my family. Getting invovled in doing music with them was a wonderful journey, learning to sing and compose from the talented ones was so enjoying because we were producing art which we were genuinely love to do. Of course, I performed on stage with them. It was an honor, seriously; to be on stage and actually became a pianist while they sang the song. I still can remember the times we performed rehearsal, devoting time to make the song and performance to a better quality, and actually spent most of the day or at least half a day at the studio to perfect our perfomance. Damn I miss those days. I miss doing things I love, though I've already lost the inspiration to do so. Partially because I'm already at a different path of life, I have other things in mind to think about, I'm literally burried with Uni work... I'm literally different from what I was 4 years ago. At least, right now I'm venturing into something which I like to do - Kendo. Yes, a complete different spectrum from music. Still, they're both arts... haha, martial arts and music as arts. Damn I should have be an artist/composer or at least in the enterainment industry. Well, reality does not work that way. Because I know, I am not that good to get into the industry, my composing skills are lacking what they pursue to be as excellent. Still, I still enjoy and love composing.

4 years later, we're at different path. How I envy my ex-coursemates from LWSSOM who are still in pursuit of their dream. Seeing them joining various competition, getting contracted by record companies really made me in awe, and proud of them! I wish them with all the best, and excel in their career as artists, you guys have my 200% support, you guys are my idol.

*sorry for the broken english, my brain is once again toasted of writting assignments*

I miss you, I love you.

2008-08-13T23:35:00.002+10:00

It's been 4 years? Since you've left us. Please forgive me for not remembering for how long you've left us, because it hurts my soul when I count the days and years you've been away from us.

How've you been doing over there? Where you are... I looked up the blue sky and have always wonder whether you're up there somewhere.

How I miss you so. Everytime I gaze upon the corner of my room where you used to sleep, which is now replaced by a cupboard. I see you sitting over there, looking at me. Sometimes, I wake up at night, just to see whether I can catch a glimpse of your ghostly figure.

I grew up because of your love and care. I get well fast from sick because of you. Because of you, I have never been so human in my life.

My heart just teared, when you left us. Without saying goodbye, you left... you left.... you left..

You left too fast. You've promised you'll see me graduate. Now I had graduated, and doing masters now. But, I couldn't share my joy with you anymore but hope you'll know... somehow...

Time passess so fast, now I'm already 23, and you've gone.

How I miss you so.

Popo

I love you... I love you...

Heads up! Deadlines are near!

2008-08-12T00:08:00.002+10:00

Let's have a look at my deadlines

18th August - International Institution & Organisation debate on the question "Are NGO's overrated?"

25th August - Contermporary Asia Interim Report due (2.5k words)

5th September - International Trade Policy assignment 2 due (2.5k words)

15th September - International Institution & Organisation essay due (4k words)

24th September - Contemporary World Essay due (2.5k words)

13th October - Contemporary Asia research thesis due (4.5k words)

14th October - Contemporary World research thesis due (4k words)

....... Somebody please shoot me

Toasted Brain

2008-08-04T22:38:00.004+10:00

My brain is toasted. Like a French Toast.

Today was an extraodinary day, primarily because of my tight schedule which starts from 12pm marathoning all the way to 9pm. Of course I do get breaks in between, but it's like half and hour break between 1:30pm to 2:00pm and another from 5pm to 6pm. Not mentioning I'm having early morning class tomorrow which starts from 10am to 1pm.

Secondly, today's class was productive. In the sense of, my coursemates actually participated proactively in class discussion and debate, which of course I did too. Here's the interesting part.

We had a guest lecturer which gave a topic on China-Taiwan relations in my Contemporary Asia class today. My first reaction when he was going to touch on that topic was *Hohoho, let's see how the China students react you!*. Inevitably, it happened. Let me explaind why.

The guest lecturer commented on Taiwan had a different culture and history which is distinct from what the Chinese have. Of course, they do share similiar culture, food, celebrates same festival la dee da. But in terms of national culture, from a historically it does makes some sense. He *the guest lecturer* actually pointed out the fact that at the point when the communist party gain power, Chairman Mao actually noted in a speech which he gave, indirectly regarded Taiwan as another sovereign state. Of course this is where the Chinese students went wild and berserk. They contested strongly simply because this is not what they've been taught of since young. Well my point of view is, as a Master student, it is not a matter of being patriotic and nationalistic and to defend against crazy foreigners making unreasonable claims about their country. Of course, I would have felt the same way too but I would have taken a different approach.

Questioning is the key to finding the truth. If you do not agree to certain things while at the same time having somebody prominent who has rich experiences in his field of research started saying something different, search for the truth! I appreciate the fact they contested, but in a poor manner I would say.

After that, I had another heated debate session in my "International Institution and Organizations" class. We took on the question where it says " It is better to have weak UN (United Nations) than no UN". Another controversial issue that sparked flammmmmmiiinnggggg debate. I'm gonna write about this when I gather more info.

So, that's it for now ;) .

My virgin post

2008-08-03T19:09:00.000+10:00

I've decided to move from my friendster blog (http://moonlightcorner.blogs.friendster.com/_moon_light_corner_/) to blogspot.

Simply because I find blogspot's feature are much more stable and user-friendly. So, welcome to my world, your world.