life = art

sigh, i think i'm sinking back into depression again.

i'm beginning to crave for alcohol whenever i felt like dying. just like how it happened 3 years ago.

sometimes, it feels like i'm a lonely painter. Painting something that nobody can ever understand. Fool isn't it? There's so much you want to tell it out but you just want to tell it through an art. If my life is equivalent to a notion of an art, then it'll probably be the messiest art ever painted. But, who could ever see through the colors and abstract?

I don't know.

who am i

Everybody's getting onto something, somewhere and when I see myself in the mirror, I see an unemployed bloke who can't even afford to buy a fucking laptop. Of all the years of studies I have never believe in the norm of studying will ensure you a security of making a living in later years and I was right. Come to think about it what the fuck was all the studying about? for sure it gives you knowledge and such and such bullshit but in the end of the day it does not teach you how to survive later in the real world after graduating and that is the shit I am in right now. I've got fancy academic title but what does that gives me? Just some applaud of "Oh such master student at such young age" or some "I see you have a masters but you don't have any working experience". Yep, I don't have the most important experience of all. Not to mention I'm not brightest student of all. In summary, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, no experience nor flying color academic achievement to get me a proper job. So what do I have? I don't know. Is there anything of which I have not been putting a 100% effort please LET ME KNOW CAUSE I AM FUCKING TIRED OF WAITING AND WAITING AND FUCKING WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh, who am I?