Still be on my feet

Ican feel my heart

And it's fit to burst

I try to clean it up

But I just get worse

Wish I could fall

On a night like this

Into your lovin' arms

For a moonlight kiss

I thought I saw your face

In the evenin' sky

On a lonesome cloud

That was driftin' by

I wish I could fall

On a night like this

Into your lovin' arms

For a moonlight kiss

You got someone else

Maybe it's for the best

Since I took the cure

For happiness

And I'd trade it all

On a night like this

For your lovin' arms

And a moonlight kiss

I think not

You'll never realise it's just a fantasy you're in untill you hit the wall and wake up to the smell of reality.

We all dream and hope, often for things that you ought and hope it will come true in the future. These dreams and hopes are often lethal. For as far as I can say, the more you hope and dream, the more positive thoughts and wish you put into, the more shit you're gonna get when things do not go your way. I understand the logic of dream big hit big, dream small hit small; yet I realize the consequences of putting oneself in the situation of getting all those hopes and dreams rebounding back at them like a bitchslap in the face in awakening to reality.

Sometimes, you thought you have control and things are in your favour but then when you really think about it again, the grass is not that green afterall. What can I say about this? Trial and error untill you succeed? Howmuch does one have to go through before realizing what he/she has been wishing for? or dreamnt of or at least a whipser of " I hope"? If my live is meant for me to take more shit than I am now, what am I gonna turn out to be when finally everything is over? Will I ever be the same person again?

I think not.

Roller Coaster Ride

I'm like in a roller coaster ride now. So many things are going through my mind.

Exams are around the corner, so much to read up yet so little time left, but at the same time I felt confident of myself passing the exams yet trying not to be over confident. Honestly, I shouldn't be bragging about exams since I only have two papers to sit, mainly because I have 2 100% internal assessment unit thus left me with 2 units with external assessment; which is good, at least I think so. Journals and more journals, that's what I'm reading through to prepare myself for the exam. Hopefully I'll do well cause I intend to do well for my masters. No more screwing around like what I did for my degree.

On the other hand, accomodation. I'm currently looking for a place to move in next semester primarily I want to cut cost on my rental cost. The current place I'm staying in now costs me 215aud per week. Considering the fact that its a studio, fully furnished and location, not bad for a bargain. But yet again, I would like to save up some dough for my future investment in some stuff I want to buy (I'll come to that later). Thus, me and my friend went on a search for available single rooms located around my place and we found one. Funny thing is, the rent is really cheap, 160 per week with fully furnished, including fees and blablabla. So, we called up the owner but was asked to leave her an email so she can contact us for an arrangement for house inspection. Why don't she call us instead ? o_O ??????? Oh well, I have no idea where exactly is the place cause it wasn't stated on the ad we saw, so yeh, we're still waiting for her reply. Hopefully she replies ASAP so I can arrange my vacating note and tidious process la dee da bi bubu hassle paperwork with my current agent. If I can move in, that'll be good. So I can move in before I actually fly back, else I have no idea where to dump my stuff when the lease for my current studio ends.

The whole idea of moving into a cheaper place is primarily to save up some extra cash, as a form of using remaining saved up dough to get some of the things I want to buy. This is the brain cracking part. I want to buy, an eletronical keyboard (music), a desktop, and a bogu set (kendo equipment). All of them except keyboard will cost me at least 900aud!!! Argh.. that's about, Rm2000. I want to get a keyboard so I can play and write songs. I want a desktop so I can play some games, I want a bogu set cause I'm doing kendo for long term and do not want to wear 2nd hand, rented and foul smelled bogu from my club! To be honest, the thing I want most now is bogu set. Since I'm doing kendo for long term, and desktop and keyboard and other things can come later. So, I went online window shopping and saw this bogu set from Japan, costing around 585aud when I first saw (during financial crisis). Seeing that, it was rather cheap for quite a good quality and nevertheless its from Japan!!! (NEVER BUY MADE IN CHINA BOGU SET). I thought I needed sometime to think about it, so I took my time. Today I checked again, it now costs 785aud!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. There goes my bogu. It's not that I can't buy but it became expensive for me and actually over my intended budget. BLUARGHHH I should have bought it. Should I buy now?! or wait for currency to drop?! or another financial crisis ? -_-......

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Anyways, back to studies!

Teru no Uta

Teru no Uta from Tales from the Earth Sea.
By Teshima Aoi

Far far above the clouds
against the setting sun

A falcon flies alone
soaring in the wind

I hear his lonely cry
so sad must he be

Riding the silent wind
a falcon flies alone

Reaching out with his wings
grasps the empty sky

Riding the silent wind
never can he rest

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

A heart like a falcon's
is this very heart

What is within my heart
none can ever know

Lonely falcon
in the empty sky

I walk alone
along deserted country roads

Walking with me side by side
you are always there

I feel your loneliness
lonely you must be

Crickets whispering
in the grassy fields

You walk there by my side
you walk the path with me

But you never say a word
never do you speak

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

Here inside this heart
that walks its path alone

What is it within my heart
none can ever know

The sadness of one
who always is alone.

Revisiting my old chapters...

Listening to Mandarin pop songs always reminds me of myself 4 years ago. I would say I was 'alive' during that period of time, partially because of me doing something which I love -music. I play organ since the age of 5, self learn piano and guitar and been very interested in learning to sing like a professional. At least, that is something I really want to be good at.

Joining and learning music composing at Lwssom (Lee Wei Song School of Music) was one of the highlights of my life. I've met wonderful, great, friendly and very talented people there; and I recognize them as another part of my family. Getting invovled in doing music with them was a wonderful journey, learning to sing and compose from the talented ones was so enjoying because we were producing art which we were genuinely love to do. Of course, I performed on stage with them. It was an honor, seriously; to be on stage and actually became a pianist while they sang the song. I still can remember the times we performed rehearsal, devoting time to make the song and performance to a better quality, and actually spent most of the day or at least half a day at the studio to perfect our perfomance. Damn I miss those days. I miss doing things I love, though I've already lost the inspiration to do so. Partially because I'm already at a different path of life, I have other things in mind to think about, I'm literally burried with Uni work... I'm literally different from what I was 4 years ago. At least, right now I'm venturing into something which I like to do - Kendo. Yes, a complete different spectrum from music. Still, they're both arts... haha, martial arts and music as arts. Damn I should have be an artist/composer or at least in the enterainment industry. Well, reality does not work that way. Because I know, I am not that good to get into the industry, my composing skills are lacking what they pursue to be as excellent. Still, I still enjoy and love composing.

4 years later, we're at different path. How I envy my ex-coursemates from LWSSOM who are still in pursuit of their dream. Seeing them joining various competition, getting contracted by record companies really made me in awe, and proud of them! I wish them with all the best, and excel in their career as artists, you guys have my 200% support, you guys are my idol.

*sorry for the broken english, my brain is once again toasted of writting assignments*

I miss you, I love you.

It's been 4 years? Since you've left us. Please forgive me for not remembering for how long you've left us, because it hurts my soul when I count the days and years you've been away from us.

How've you been doing over there? Where you are... I looked up the blue sky and have always wonder whether you're up there somewhere.

How I miss you so. Everytime I gaze upon the corner of my room where you used to sleep, which is now replaced by a cupboard. I see you sitting over there, looking at me. Sometimes, I wake up at night, just to see whether I can catch a glimpse of your ghostly figure.

I grew up because of your love and care. I get well fast from sick because of you. Because of you, I have never been so human in my life.

My heart just teared, when you left us. Without saying goodbye, you left... you left.... you left..

You left too fast. You've promised you'll see me graduate. Now I had graduated, and doing masters now. But, I couldn't share my joy with you anymore but hope you'll know... somehow...

Time passess so fast, now I'm already 23, and you've gone.

How I miss you so.

Popo

I love you... I love you...

Heads up! Deadlines are near!

Let's have a look at my deadlines

18th August - International Institution & Organisation debate on the question "Are NGO's overrated?"

25th August - Contermporary Asia Interim Report due (2.5k words)

5th September - International Trade Policy assignment 2 due (2.5k words)

15th September - International Institution & Organisation essay due (4k words)

24th September - Contemporary World Essay due (2.5k words)

13th October - Contemporary Asia research thesis due (4.5k words)

14th October - Contemporary World research thesis due (4k words)

....... Somebody please shoot me

Toasted Brain

My brain is toasted. Like a French Toast.

Today was an extraodinary day, primarily because of my tight schedule which starts from 12pm marathoning all the way to 9pm. Of course I do get breaks in between, but it's like half and hour break between 1:30pm to 2:00pm and another from 5pm to 6pm. Not mentioning I'm having early morning class tomorrow which starts from 10am to 1pm.

Secondly, today's class was productive. In the sense of, my coursemates actually participated proactively in class discussion and debate, which of course I did too. Here's the interesting part.

We had a guest lecturer which gave a topic on China-Taiwan relations in my Contemporary Asia class today. My first reaction when he was going to touch on that topic was *Hohoho, let's see how the China students react you!*. Inevitably, it happened. Let me explaind why.

The guest lecturer commented on Taiwan had a different culture and history which is distinct from what the Chinese have. Of course, they do share similiar culture, food, celebrates same festival la dee da. But in terms of national culture, from a historically it does makes some sense. He *the guest lecturer* actually pointed out the fact that at the point when the communist party gain power, Chairman Mao actually noted in a speech which he gave, indirectly regarded Taiwan as another sovereign state. Of course this is where the Chinese students went wild and berserk. They contested strongly simply because this is not what they've been taught of since young. Well my point of view is, as a Master student, it is not a matter of being patriotic and nationalistic and to defend against crazy foreigners making unreasonable claims about their country. Of course, I would have felt the same way too but I would have taken a different approach.

Questioning is the key to finding the truth. If you do not agree to certain things while at the same time having somebody prominent who has rich experiences in his field of research started saying something different, search for the truth! I appreciate the fact they contested, but in a poor manner I would say.

After that, I had another heated debate session in my "International Institution and Organizations" class. We took on the question where it says " It is better to have weak UN (United Nations) than no UN". Another controversial issue that sparked flammmmmmiiinnggggg debate. I'm gonna write about this when I gather more info.

So, that's it for now ;) .

My virgin post

I've decided to move from my friendster blog (http://moonlightcorner.blogs.friendster.com/_moon_light_corner_/) to blogspot.

Simply because I find blogspot's feature are much more stable and user-friendly. So, welcome to my world, your world.